Underneath it all...

Rotterdam oh Rotterdam,

It really nice over here, there is the city, the parks, the university, and the pubs. I really love it. But there is something missing. When all slows down at the end of the day, and the stillness of the world settles in on the plaster white walls of an empty apartment, and silence engulfs the surroundings, there is still something missing.

The vast distances that span the world and separate loved ones are unbearable at times. They create times of trial; they challenge our integrity, and bring a certain solitude and loneliness into our lives which are otherwise often over burdened with others. This new found loneliness is malevolent, stealing from the joy of simple living and creating a vast abyss of isolation that one could easily fall into. In the wilderness of a jungle city like Rotterdam, when all falls silent and all you hear is your typing away at the keyboard in a white wall apartment, the feeling of impermanence rises as I continue to type away my feelings onto a screen. This impermanence represents not only the amount of time I’ll be staying here, or the fact that when I get back home things will inevitably be different. This impermanence represents my emotions too; a minor wave of feeling in a sea full of white caps and vessels floating about. As surly the tide comes in and out, so my despair of falling into the abyss.

Typing this all out reminds me of a Buddhist principle of impermanence and especially their doctrine of dealing with emotions. Don’t quote me, but Buddhist follow a middle path, that between the extreme of emotion and the emotionlessness of not caring. The middle path between Hedonism and Asceticism leads for an examined life, and one that you're capable of controlling. Emotions are healthy if only examined for the reasons why you have them. My loneliness is that of absence and withdrawal, not of self pity or self deprivation. I’m in a privileged position studying in such an amazing place and having the support that I do. So I guess I want to just simply thank you. I look forward to coming home.